Archive for December, 2007

How not to say what you want to

Why do we say “Excuse me” sometimes when we mean ”Move” and/or “Listen up”? Two incidents in the last week prompted this question. 

1. A man stands between me and my favourite bookshelf in the library, absorbed in his finger-voyage up his nose.  ”Excuse me,” I say (hoping I won’t have to touch any books that he  uh . . .  you know).  He turns around eagerly, “Yes? Tell me?” “Nothing,” I reply tartly. ”You’re standing in my way.  Please move.”

“Why don’t you just say so?” he grumbles.

Excuse me? Didn’t I?

* * * *

2. A young woman is trying to silence a group of people.  ”Excuse me,” she’s yelling again and again. I wince. Surely one doesn’t yell “Excuse me”!! Isn’t it a polite phrase, a request, an apology?   Shouldn’t she have been yelling “Be quiet ” or “Listen up”? 

Distraught,  I turn to the OED for solace. It lists the phrase “Excuse me” as “an apology for an impropriety in speech, a polite way of disputing a statement, a polite form in addressing a stranger, or in interrupting the speech of another.  It’s also used to excuse oneself, to ask permission or apologize before leaving a room.”

So when did the phrase come to mean “get out of my way”and “keep quiet”? Well, urban dictionary, that venerable source of current slang, does list these two meanings: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=excuse+me

Given the undertones of politeness of “Excuse me”  it sure is ludicrous to see someone gritting their teeth and saying, with barely suppressed rage, ”Excuse me?” when what they really want is to say ”Get the hell out of my way!” or “Just shut up and listen will you?”

Euphemism. That’s probably what the phrase has now become.  And ’euphemism’, as we all know, is a euphemism for lying.

 Aside:

This picture refuses to disappear from the mind:  Asma Jehangir breaking down while telling Barkha Dutt her most vivid memory of Bhutto. She recollects Bhutto saying, 8 years ago, that her children were too young for her to return to Pakistan.  A chilling reminder that Bhutto was not just a  ’political figure assassinated’ (and therefore grist for the news channels) but a human being, a woman, a mother, whose loss is personal and emotionally traumatic for some. 

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Do I dare disturb the universe?

Why am I blogging? Isn’t  it  a) self-indulgent and b) a waste of time? Yes, I have also asked myself whether my life and thoughts are worth recording. I remain divided on the issue. For now.

Blog = web log. A diary. Except that it’s online and therefore not private. Not that diaries were always private. Famous writers had personal diaries that became public, telling us things we probably didn’t want to know about them: Leo Tolstoy, Emerson, Thoreau, Andre Gide, Scott Fitzgerald, Mary Shelley, Sylvia Plath, Virginia Woolf, Anais Nin . . .

Diarists were not all clandestine recorders of stuff-that-wouldn’t-be-published-but-had-to-be-written.  There was Samuel Pepys, the Shakespeare of diarists. (His diary is here.)  And then Anne Frank for whom the diary was sheer survival.

A diary can be your psychotherapist.  When you feel homicidal, just write about it in your diary. And you will be cured.  Ventilation.

Here’s a nice piece on the diarist’s art.

I feel T Rex-ish in the blogging world. But hey, I know about diarying. I was a diarist in school; kept a record of my crushes on teachers, classmates, and writers. Very profound insights on all of them. So this blogging avatar is regressive;  a childhood fixation! 

What triggered the urge?   No, I’m not a famous writer surreptitiously maintaining a diary for people to ‘discover’ later and make me more famous. And no, I don’t want to tell the world that I’ve been there,  done that. (Does it really give anyone any insight into there and that?)

My top only two reasons: 

# 2 Finding my voice and thoughts. Both of which are very easily (and often willingly) lost in the jungle of academia. Also, you don’t really know something unless you write about it. There is so much to say. And so little time to say it in. As the Chinese say, “It’s later than you think.”

# 1 Finding space. Physical space is at such a premium today. (Yes, I’m preoccupied with trying to buy a decent flat. And for the middle-class in the city I live in, that is a harrowing experience.) Hence the attraction for a space that’s within finger-reach.   A space that’s at once private and public. Which I can occupy without having to prove my credentials. Or dislocate anyone else. 

And so I disturb the universe, flitting between my real-world space and this one,   interrupting and completing both. And, hopefully,  me too in the process. Moving in order to keep things whole, as Mark Strand says in this poem:

Keeping Things Whole 

In a field
I am the absence
of field.
This is
always the case.

Wherever I am
I am what is missing.

When I walk
I part the air
and always
the air moves in
to fill the spaces
where my body’s been.
 

We all have reasons
for moving.
I move
to keep things whole.
 

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Crack Resistance

You can’t really say anything today without treading on somebody’s community corns.  Whether it’s Aaja Nachle, or Taslima Nasreen, or the Fine Arts students at MS University. Something is expressed and someone somewhere goes off the deep end.  The feelings of a community have been trifled with. 

Everybody has the right to an opinion, and to express it.  True. But why do we object to protests? Isn’t the freedom to protest as  much a right as freedom of expression? That’s what democracy is all about, isn’t it? That you can express an opinion. Or protest against it.

Not all ‘communities’ protest, however. Let me give you an example. Every day I drive past this huge hoarding that reads Crack Resistant Cement. Without the hyphen. (Unprintable!!!)   A cement bag and Perizaad Zorabian’s face complete the picture. Now what does she have to do with cement, I wonder. Is the tag line a reference to her as well? Hmmm.

But of course we all know. Nothing can attract attention to a product – whether it’s a matchstick or a space rocket - the way a woman’s face or body can.  Or any references to them. You should see the Deccan Chronicle hoardings. Huge ones featuring young, scantily dressed women.  And, my word, such creative tag lines: No Compromise. News Made Exciting. Bolder and Better.

What are they selling? DC? Or the women?

This ‘community’ (I know you know who) has no feelings that can be hurt. They look at and listen to such ‘freedom of expression’ and go about their lives in silence. Not one crack in the armour. 

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Be brief. Be clear. Be human.

That’s the key to good writing in English, as numerous books, training programmes and web sites on writing would have us believe. Everyone’s campaigning for Clear English. Or Plain English. (Are they the same?)

It’s all the rage in today’s corporate workplace. No one wants good, old-fashioned grammar and correct usage anymore. “Oh we know all that,” they say airily. They have a point and they want to make it, quickly and clearly.  Today’s writing is for a global audience (global suggesting, I presume, ’shorn of local identities’). That’s what they tell un-cool, pre-historic English teachers. Like me.

If you don’t believe me, just pick up books like Jyoti Sanyal’s Indlish - enraged polemic that attacks the “obscure, verbose, and muddled” English of journalistic and business writing in India. I quite agree. However, such writing is definitely not peculiar to India or Indian writing. Nunberg has a list of groaners that litter journalistic and media news-writing in the West. Here’s a sampler:

Aftermath – Print words don’t belong in spoken copy. Do you know anyone who says ‘aftermath’ in normal conversation? When we were kids, aftermath came recess.
Mastermind – Anytime there’s more than one mugger/bank robber/con artist working together, we reward the guy in charge with this silly title, instead of just saying he planned the crime. Look, Professor Moriarty outwitting Sherlock Holmes, that’s a mastermind. Some creep who sticks a gun in a teller’s face… no way.

And there’s plenty more where that came from!

Clear writing itself is not exactly a late 20th century invention, or even a product of today’s global (read American) business requirements. Thomas Paine’s Common Sense (1776)  perhaps set the stage for straightforward writing in America with these memorable words:

In the following pages I offer nothing more than simple facts, plain arguments, and common sense.

(And this was a political pamphlet  – the kind one expects to see riddled with bombast and stylized rhetoric) 

But it’s really Mark Twain’s prose that we think of today as classic American prose – easy, clear and direct. And, of course, one of the best known essays on modern English style is George Orwell’s Politics and the English Language (1946).

Now tell me, dear reader mine, is the plain/clear English rhetoric a breakthrough in how to write a clear English sentence? Or has that information really always “been around since the King James Bible?”(Zinsser in his 1976 classic On Writing Well.)

What does this plain/clear English campaign mean to us here in India? Well, we’re being told that the English we learned in school and college – Shakespeare, Dickens, Austen, Wordsworth, Shelley and the like –  is no help at all for today’s writing requirements. 

Communicative English. That’s what the communication pundits say we need today. As if there can ever be language that is not communicative! Some tautology this.

Am I against the plain/clear English rhetoric? Not really. Given the unflattering levels of unemployment in our country, I’d say if learning Taiwanese English will fetch students jobs, let’s by all means teach it .

However, I’m looking at the underbelly.  And I see, written here, two mantras that I’d like to have a go at.  The first is that to write clearly/plainly you should  ’write the way you speak’. A mantra that will make your language ‘human’ rather than heavy-handed and bureaucratic. That seems clear enough. But is it? 

Can we, in India, write the way we speak English? Spoken English varies so widely across the country that it would be well nigh impossible to arrive at one variety of ’standard’ Indian English that everyone might use to write. Which perhaps explains why we revert to the formal, bureaucratic English of the Raj and Victorian England when we write. 

In the absence of a commonly agreed upon spoken variety, and in the face of growing aversion to the “flatulent orotundity” (Sanyal’s phrase) of Indian English, is it any wonder that our youth have taken to the fast, easy-off-the tongue slang of American pop culture - American sitcoms, movies, popular magazines, and web sites?

A bright young man once asked me why he shouldn’t use big and unfamiliar words, when he knew how to use them correctly. And it’s true - he never made a mistake in word choice.  The simple answer, apparently, is “your reader”. One writes for a reader and most readers prefer simple, clear, direct language.  (Which is perhaps a dumbing-down of the reader if you ask me, but that’s for another post.)

I have no gripe with the plain English campaign. Really. I do strive for clarity and precision in my writing. But I rarely succeed, even though every book on style that I read gives me all the formulas: 

  • Make your writing talk.
  • Consider your readers.
  • Be plain.
  • Be yourself.
  • Write from your own experience.
  • Build your thesis.
  • Revise!
  • Etc.

I can’t help but echo Richard Lanham: “A student may actually try to earn all those badges. But if he has any spirit, he’ll murmur a well-chosen four-letter word and go out and get stoned.”

Can one learn style in a vacuum, without the context that gives style its meaning? Can one learn English prose style without a knowledge of the rich tradition that has made English prose style what it is? 

The Style Books get around this rather ingenuously. Abolish style!  they say.  Let style wither away, leaving the bare facts and plain words shining by themselves. That’s clarity for you!  

And the second mantra:   When you know and understand what you’re writing about,  clarity just happens. Everything’s as plain as can be.

Unclear writing is the result of ignorance. It’s the thought that counts. Perish style!

One might just as well say “Be inteligent.” instead of “Be clear.”

Ha! Ha! Ha! With the bar set so high, is it any surprise that I consistently fail to be brief, clear, and human? 

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Faceless amateurs who don’t have to prove their expertise

Apparently that’s what bloggers are according to this news story.

Isn’t that just ripping!!

However, I’m only testing the waters here. And very, very gingerly.

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